And they all sleep together in a king sized bed
A COUPLE have revealed how they plan to marry and start a family with a woman they met on Instagram, as they celebrate their first anniversary as a ‘throuple’.
Rebecca Grossman, 31, and Dave Gilbert, 37, who met through work 12 years ago, had been in a relationship for a decade when Karla Moreno, 29, sent them an Instagram message out of the blue, asking if they would be interested in exploring a relationship with her.
Now, the trio are hoping to make their union official and start a family.
Rebecca, who identifies as bisexual, said: “From that first date, all three of us were inseparable. We had this amazing connection.
“It’s hard to be someone’s everything. You do not have to see one person as your whole thing. There are so many things I can’t give to Dave, but that Karla can give him, and vice versa.
“In a throuple, there’s more love, more hugs and more support. There’s just more to go around. It’s three times the fun, three times the memories and three times the love.”
Rebecca and Dave, who both work as store managers, first began to explore polyamory – when someone engages in romantic relationships with more than one person at the same time – five years ago.
Rebecca said she brought it up as she had experienced it in the past, and found it was the right fit for her as a bisexual.
Dave recalled: “I was never seeking polyamory or a throuple relationship, and had always identified as monogamous.
“Rebecca introduced me to the concept, and once I’d opened up to the idea, I realised all the ways in which it added to my life rather than taking away.
“At first I was worried that it would take Rebecca away from me, but it didn’t. It’s actually worked for us.”
Over the years, Rebecca and Dave dated a handful of other people, but for various reasons, the relationships never worked out.
Meanwhile, retail assistant Karla, who is also bisexual, was having a similar problem.
Having struggled to live monogamously, she had been in relationships with a few couples, but could not seem to strike the right dynamic.
In time, the trio all became part of the same polyamory community on Instagram, where they would chat to like-minded people.
Having first spotted Rebecca and Dave on a dating app in 2018, Karla was initially too shy to message them, but when she found them on Instagram a year later, she decided to go for it.
Karla said: “I was definitely physically attracted to them, but it was also about what Rebecca said that they were seeking. They were looking for equality in relationship, which was what I wanted.”
So, she messaged Rebecca to ask if she and Dave would like to meet up.
After speaking for a week online, the trio had their first date at Scottsdale spring fashion show in March 2019.
Rebecca recalled: “We’d actually recently broken up with someone two months before, so were wary about getting into another relationship, but with Karla, the dynamic was right straight away.
“We all wanted the same from life – we wanted marriage and children, and were serious about making it work as a three. This was established from the first conversation.
“We spent time at the fashion show, went for dinner, then Karla came to our place and stayed for three days.
“Dave actually stole the first kiss from Karla, then we talked, cooked dinner together and cuddled. He nicknamed her Special K.”
Karla added: “Dave said I was the most beautiful girl they’ve ever dated. I felt at home with them instantly. It felt like our souls just knew each other.”
At first, wary because of previous experience, Karla was worried about whether she would be allowed to spend time with Dave alone – but Rebecca actively encouraged it.
Though they accept jealousy can be a factor in some poly relationships, the trio insist that, in theirs, their love eclipses any insecurities.
Rebecca explained that this is called ‘compersion’ – a love without envy – which she said can be hard for monogamous couples to understand.
“The best way I can explain this emotion is that I look at them and think – ‘how is it possible to love two souls so much?’
“I love my partners so completely that even their love for others brings me happiness.
“Sometimes it’s me and Dave, sometimes it’s Karla and Dave, and sometimes it’s me and Karla. When I see Dave and Karla together, it makes me happy to see them happy.
“Our love is not selfish. It’s not saying, ‘The only way I can love you is if you love me alone.’
“Our love proves that love has no limits, it’s an endless cycle that should always be multiplied and not divided.”
Day-to-day, the throuple joke that, contrary to stereotypes about poly people being sex mad, their lives are far “more boring” than expected.
Rebecca said: “People have this idea that with throuples, it’s all this sex and craziness, but actually it’s very normal. We do the laundry, grocery shopping and cook dinner, like every other couple.
“People message us on Instagram, usually guys, asking for us to go into detail about what we do, but honestly, it’s so dry sometimes.
“Yes, there are definitely throuples out there who are swingers, but not us. We’re building a life together.”
Having an extra person in the relationship also brings a diverse range of interests to the table, according to the throuple.
For example, Karla is a sports fanatic, so will talk to Dave about that for hours, whilst he bonds with Rebecca more over their mutual love of fashion.
All three share a king size bed every night, and do not have any rules when it comes to their sex life.
“For many triads, it has to be all three of you but that’s not how we work. Most of the time it’s all three of us, but there will be days where one of us is tired or not in the mood,” Rebecca said.
“We have pretty much an open dynamic. Sometimes it will be Dave and me, Dave and Karla or Karla and me.
“We do not exclude anyone. We let it happen naturally.”
The throuple celebrated their first anniversary on March 22 by dressing up and having cocktails and dinner on the balcony, unable to go out because of coronavirus.
They don’t have outside their throuple and hope to get married this year.
The plan is for Rebecca and Dave to jointly propose to Karla, although they are keeping the exact plans close to their chest.
Aware that they will be unable to have a legal ceremony in the United States, they are currently researching to see if it is a possibility elsewhere in the world.
If not, they will mark the marriage with a ceremony for all three of them in front of friends and family.
They have not decided whether they will all have the same surname or use a hyphenated name.
Dave said: “I really believe in the universe. I believe we were not meant to get married until we met Karla.
“We wanted to do this as a triad. Our life was waiting to be complete.”
Looking further ahead to the future, the throuple also hope to one day start a family.
With Rebecca unable to have children due to endometriosis – a painful condition where tissue similar to the lining of the womb grows in other parts of the body – Karla would carry the baby.
Rebecca added: “We want to enjoy being engaged and the planning process before we have children, but we’re thinking about it in the next couple of years.
“We want to have two children. It would be an amazing addition to our family.”
For now, they have their hands full with their dog Schmidt – a Chiweenie, a cross between a Chihuahua and Dachshund.
“He’s like our child,” Rebecca laughed, “He’s a big part of our relationship.
“He’s not a very sociable dog and doesn’t like anyone apart from me and Dave, but he took to Karla straight away, so we knew she was the one for us.”
As well as Schmidt’s all-important approval, Rebecca, Karla and Dave also have the support of their loved ones when it comes to their unconventional relationship with Karla.
Though they were initially shocked, once they realised the strength of the bond between the trio, they were delighted.
Now, Dave’s mum even has a WhatsApp group chat with Rebecca and Karla.
Rebecca said: “I think people worry that you’ll lose your partner, but when our loved ones see us, they see how much we care about each other.
“We have a lot of friends in the polyamory community, so they were very accepting.”
As she reflects on the past year, Karla now believes that messaging Rebecca and Dave on a “spur of the moment” impulse is the best thing she has ever done.
She said: “I’ve learned to be vulnerable, to open myself up and to be patient. I feel like I’ve found my voice.”